![]() It’s not that necessarily they don’t care about you or value your feelings. If your husband or partner shuts down when you cry, for example, it may be because they don’t know the best way to handle that display of emotions. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or how they feel about you. Stonewalling isn’t always your partner punishing you for a heated conversation.įor some people, shutting down emotionally is a response to feeling overstimulated. Understanding where stonewalling comes from can help keep negative reactions at bay and can help you identify when your partner is overwhelmed or deliberately avoiding. When you feel like someone shuts you out, it can hurt. Writing your thoughts down can help maintain the dialogue between you and your partner when you revisit the conversation later. Feeling frustrated by not being able to express yourself may make you feel there’s no point in trying. In the moment, it may be a challenge to get out all the things you want to say. Though there are many ways to relax, options such as smoking or drinking may cause you more complications down the road. Self-soothing activities, such as reading, meditating, or exercising, can help you regain a sense of calm after an argument. Self-soothing may help you disengage from an emotional lockdown by shifting your energy. Being assertive often means approaching an argument using “I” statements instead of “you” statements.Īsserting how a situation makes you feel rather than blaming or accusing the other person can avoid putting them immediately on the defensive.Ī 2009 study found that couples rated communicating anger in an assertive way as more successful than approaching anger from a place of denial or passive-aggressiveness. Communicating assertively doesn’t mean communicating aggressively.Communicating clearly can help get your points across quickly and can help prevent misunderstandings about intent.If you go into something looking for a fight, you’ll probably find one. Communicating calmly helps keep the energy neutral.To reach any solution or compromise, most issues require communication to understand the big picture. Shutting down when you’re upset - whether deliberately or as a defense mechanism - doesn’t usually solve the problem at hand. Communicate calmy, clearly, and assertively This can create a cycle of silence and hurt feelings. It can make them angry or frustrated, and they may retaliate with their own silent treatment. They may not understand why you shut them out. It can appear like you don’t care about them or what they have to say. If you shut down during intense communication, the other person may feel rejected or devalued. ![]() Keep in mind your shutting down doesn’t make you look good (and doesn’t help anything)īeing aware of how stonewalling is received can help you bring yourself out of it. You might start excessively cleaning to signal you’re done with the conversation. You may stop responding or making eye contact. Without an immediate solution in sight, it can feel easier to pretend your person is invisible. You may be feeling frustrated yourself, or maybe you’re uncomfortable with the tension. The need to “check out” when you’re being bombarded with negativity can be a natural reaction.
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